The big obvious ones are when I went overseas and met Annefia and Dustbunnie.
Annefia and Dustbunnie are two of the dearest and most wonderful friends I have in the world. And one lives in Sweden and one lives in Denmark. I met them online and we became friends online through a forum called SimPixels and Graphics. I had known them for years, and was talking to Dustbunnie almost every day via yahoo. They are both funny, wise, and loving and I was pretty sure that wasn't just an online persona. (Although there are many other people online and in forums that do - Online safety is a must!) After 5 years of knowing them online only I really really wanted to meet them in real-life. I couldn't see how I could, but I wanted to very much.
Life (and God) got on my side and gave me the ability to achieve this desire. I got offered a job in Ireland, and was there for 3 years. Back in 2006 - 2009. I was scared to visit, but I was also excited.
First I visited Dustbunnie. I organised to stay with her for just a weekend - thinking that would be the easiest thing, and if I needed to leave earlier I could. I remember getting off the plane in Arhus and seeing her through the glass as I was coming out of the gates with my bag. I couldn't stop smiling and I felt like I was going to burst with happiness. We waved ecstatically at each other until I could reach her, then we gave each other huge hugs and laughed. She was just like I pictured her to be - and I don't mean her body and face which looked familiar - but her spirit matched her. She was my Dustbunnie who I'd grown to love like a soul-sister. And it came straight out of her eyes and her expressions. Like most of our relationship on-line - we talked. And talked, and talked and talked and talked. There was no jarring in our relationship - nothing hidden, we were ourselves and had proved to be ourselves both online and in reality. My first time with her turned out to be way too short!!! But I have visited more times now - and even was able to have a Christmas with her and her son. When I moved back to Australia I knew that I would see her again. And it took me until August this year - but I did! And she was just as wonderful to be with.
One day, I would like to be able to visit her for a good long time - maybe a month. But in the meantime we talk everyday and I love doing it.
I was less scared visiting Annefia. After all if Dustbunnie was the same (and more so!) then so would Annefia be. Annefia was wonderful, and we talked and talked and talked and slept and enjoyed the cats, but mostly talked until I had no voice. Again she was just like herself and more so - and the funny, wise, generous and loving friend I had made was the one I now knew in the flesh!
Having met each other, my bonds with both these girls have strengthened and grown more solid.
They know my heart more than most people, and it is a joy to me to bring happiness and joy to them. I love making Annefia cry - in a good way! - and I hope to do it many more times. :D
I've known both these women now for 10 years and I can't imagine a happy future that they don't have a share of, or an influence over.
So there you go. A happy desire with a wonderful outcome!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Lesson 2 is already up!
"The primary goal for this week is to clarify your positive vision of the future."
Is there a scarier sentence in the English language? I don't think so.... OK I know 'You're going to die' is scary - but there's an end to that one that doesn't end in success or failure. Once you're dead there isn't any more choices to make. Which is one of the cooler things about being dead I reckon.
Planning for the future was never really something that I've had good experience with. In fact, it's almost been the other way around - if I want to make sure I do NOT get something - then make it a goal, make it a desire.
A vivid memory of my childhood. Singing in a choir. We were doing Australian Christmas Carols (which managed to copyright themselves out of usage very quickly. A great pity - we need Aussie Christmas Carols). It was in Springwood. I was very excited about it and it was an evening concert. I'd had to get permission from my parents.. i.e. mum to be able to join because it was made very clear that we could only join in the choir if we were committed to attending the concert. So the night of the concert, Mum says we're not going. So I went to my room and despaired. I was 7 years old or something. I felt hopeless and sad and that I was letting everyone down. About 15 minutes later, mum came in and said because I didn't make a fuss and argue, I could go. I don't remember the concert.
Looking back on that incident with adult eyes - Mum was stuck without transport, and 4 kids the youngest still a baby. Taking me to the concert would have been hard if Dad wasn't back with the car. Which I assume was the case. I can understand why she said no now. I think she managed to get someone to take me, but I went on my own. And all the joy of the event was gone.
But back then it was simply that I wanted something so she said no. And when I stopped wanting it, then I was allowed to have it.
Not long after that we moved to Sydney for 3 years while Dad studied at Moore. We had almost no income - couldn't afford food at times, and so desires was again a place that there was no point to do. Up until I was 17 or so, clothing was always second-hand hand-me-downs from other people. We could choose from the second-hand stuff but more often than not, it was chosen for us. Desires were things other people who could afford them had.
Now I always get the feeling with fulfilling desires - how am I going to have to pay for this? What's going to go wrong, what's the punishment?
I know it's not rational. But still it scares me to think of things like that.
More about this one later.
Is there a scarier sentence in the English language? I don't think so.... OK I know 'You're going to die' is scary - but there's an end to that one that doesn't end in success or failure. Once you're dead there isn't any more choices to make. Which is one of the cooler things about being dead I reckon.
Planning for the future was never really something that I've had good experience with. In fact, it's almost been the other way around - if I want to make sure I do NOT get something - then make it a goal, make it a desire.
A vivid memory of my childhood. Singing in a choir. We were doing Australian Christmas Carols (which managed to copyright themselves out of usage very quickly. A great pity - we need Aussie Christmas Carols). It was in Springwood. I was very excited about it and it was an evening concert. I'd had to get permission from my parents.. i.e. mum to be able to join because it was made very clear that we could only join in the choir if we were committed to attending the concert. So the night of the concert, Mum says we're not going. So I went to my room and despaired. I was 7 years old or something. I felt hopeless and sad and that I was letting everyone down. About 15 minutes later, mum came in and said because I didn't make a fuss and argue, I could go. I don't remember the concert.
Looking back on that incident with adult eyes - Mum was stuck without transport, and 4 kids the youngest still a baby. Taking me to the concert would have been hard if Dad wasn't back with the car. Which I assume was the case. I can understand why she said no now. I think she managed to get someone to take me, but I went on my own. And all the joy of the event was gone.
But back then it was simply that I wanted something so she said no. And when I stopped wanting it, then I was allowed to have it.
Not long after that we moved to Sydney for 3 years while Dad studied at Moore. We had almost no income - couldn't afford food at times, and so desires was again a place that there was no point to do. Up until I was 17 or so, clothing was always second-hand hand-me-downs from other people. We could choose from the second-hand stuff but more often than not, it was chosen for us. Desires were things other people who could afford them had.
Now I always get the feeling with fulfilling desires - how am I going to have to pay for this? What's going to go wrong, what's the punishment?
I know it's not rational. But still it scares me to think of things like that.
More about this one later.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Week 1: Bringing Fun to Food and Exercise and Realistic Expectations
The Homework this week is turning out to be harder than I thought it would be. I mean - scheduling fun and satisfying activities - how hard should that be?
Satisfying has been easy enough. I'm in 'nesting' mode at the moment - wanting to make my flat into a home, and dealing with the whole downsizing from a 2 bedroom house that a bibliophile would love, into a 1 bedroom flat that to be honest is smaller even in the rooms I do still have. So dealing with boxes of stuff, getting rid of stuff, and working on making my flat beautiful, comfortable and livable long-term is something that I've procrastinated long enough about. And having some energy to do it - it's a happy confluence of events.
Pleasurable events - that's a whole other kettle of fish. It was easy enough on the weekend - I watched Kung Fu Panda one day, and Kung Fu Panda 2 the other. But that's been the proverbial it. It's interesting though - I play Facebook games, and I don't think of them as pleasurable. Makes me wonder why I play them at all.
There wasn't particularly a family prohibition - I have very happy memories of listening to the Goons. I love Eccles and Bluebottle. But I also have strong memories of settling down with a book and feeling like I have to hide because mum would stop me to do some housework with her. To be fair, housework was not my forte and she was always having to nag me to do it. Mum would say 'do this' and so you'd go do this, expecting that you could go do something fun afterwards. Then you'd finish it, and she'd find you and get you to do something else. And so on until the morning was gone. I'd get frustrated because I could never plan ahead for something fun. Especially when doing housework was not even a satisfying activity for me. It was just torment. And that was so for gardening as well. I hated it. Still have a 'black' thumb, although I have more enjoyment in the garden.
So yeah - Fun is hard. Thank goodness for the cats. They're not so much scheduled fun, as unscheduled mayhem. Blanche leaping around like a lunatic makes me laugh. Patting and grooming Leanne, and enjoying companionship with her makes me feel good inside. Of course, there is also lots of not so pleasant activities that go with cats - litter, anyone? But their love and fun is just awesome. And the trust that they have in me, to be honest overwhelmed me to start with.
Working on scheduling fun activities.
Satisfying has been easy enough. I'm in 'nesting' mode at the moment - wanting to make my flat into a home, and dealing with the whole downsizing from a 2 bedroom house that a bibliophile would love, into a 1 bedroom flat that to be honest is smaller even in the rooms I do still have. So dealing with boxes of stuff, getting rid of stuff, and working on making my flat beautiful, comfortable and livable long-term is something that I've procrastinated long enough about. And having some energy to do it - it's a happy confluence of events.
Pleasurable events - that's a whole other kettle of fish. It was easy enough on the weekend - I watched Kung Fu Panda one day, and Kung Fu Panda 2 the other. But that's been the proverbial it. It's interesting though - I play Facebook games, and I don't think of them as pleasurable. Makes me wonder why I play them at all.
There wasn't particularly a family prohibition - I have very happy memories of listening to the Goons. I love Eccles and Bluebottle. But I also have strong memories of settling down with a book and feeling like I have to hide because mum would stop me to do some housework with her. To be fair, housework was not my forte and she was always having to nag me to do it. Mum would say 'do this' and so you'd go do this, expecting that you could go do something fun afterwards. Then you'd finish it, and she'd find you and get you to do something else. And so on until the morning was gone. I'd get frustrated because I could never plan ahead for something fun. Especially when doing housework was not even a satisfying activity for me. It was just torment. And that was so for gardening as well. I hated it. Still have a 'black' thumb, although I have more enjoyment in the garden.
So yeah - Fun is hard. Thank goodness for the cats. They're not so much scheduled fun, as unscheduled mayhem. Blanche leaping around like a lunatic makes me laugh. Patting and grooming Leanne, and enjoying companionship with her makes me feel good inside. Of course, there is also lots of not so pleasant activities that go with cats - litter, anyone? But their love and fun is just awesome. And the trust that they have in me, to be honest overwhelmed me to start with.
Working on scheduling fun activities.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Happiness Diet: The Introduction
Got a Video of Dr Sharp (or as he signs himself - Dr Happy) saying g'day and explaining what goes on.
I think the thing I've taken away from it is what he calls 'The Tyranny of When'. When you lose weight, then you'll be happy. When you get the right amount of money, the right car, the right job - then you'll be happy.
Now I know that is not true. I'm not that materialistic to be honest - BUT. (Don't you just love buts?) What I do know is that I hear that all around me - esp. from my Mum and other well-meaning people. If you lose weight, you'll get the relationship, and you'll be happy. If you lose weight, you'll get healthy and then you'll be happy. If you try harder, do more, get more faith, you'll be happy and spiritual and life will be perfect.
I'm realising that I have absorbed that in the way I think about myself, as much as I'd like not to - esp. in my relationship with God. If I try harder and fix myself I'll somehow be more acceptable to God. This is of course, absolute cow-dung. And I know that. So why do I keep falling into that sort of thinking?
Of course, there are things that need to be fixed - but not because they'll make me happier in some ethereal future - it's because like everything that's broken, if you want to be able to use it for the purpose that it was created for, you need to make sure it remains in good repair. It won't change anything except that it'll work. Getting my liver working won't do anything but get my liver working.
Goal setting is still a viable and useful tool - but making reasonable goals with realistic expectations of the outcomes is the way to go.
Losing weight may not make me more happy or less happy or change my life in ways that I expect. But what it will do is have me thinner, less physical exertion in movement, no rashes between my thighs, and if I do it the way that makes most sense to my health and body - I'll have lower blood sugar levels, a healthier liver.
The journey is important too.
I think the thing I've taken away from it is what he calls 'The Tyranny of When'. When you lose weight, then you'll be happy. When you get the right amount of money, the right car, the right job - then you'll be happy.
Now I know that is not true. I'm not that materialistic to be honest - BUT. (Don't you just love buts?) What I do know is that I hear that all around me - esp. from my Mum and other well-meaning people. If you lose weight, you'll get the relationship, and you'll be happy. If you lose weight, you'll get healthy and then you'll be happy. If you try harder, do more, get more faith, you'll be happy and spiritual and life will be perfect.
I'm realising that I have absorbed that in the way I think about myself, as much as I'd like not to - esp. in my relationship with God. If I try harder and fix myself I'll somehow be more acceptable to God. This is of course, absolute cow-dung. And I know that. So why do I keep falling into that sort of thinking?
Of course, there are things that need to be fixed - but not because they'll make me happier in some ethereal future - it's because like everything that's broken, if you want to be able to use it for the purpose that it was created for, you need to make sure it remains in good repair. It won't change anything except that it'll work. Getting my liver working won't do anything but get my liver working.
Goal setting is still a viable and useful tool - but making reasonable goals with realistic expectations of the outcomes is the way to go.
Losing weight may not make me more happy or less happy or change my life in ways that I expect. But what it will do is have me thinner, less physical exertion in movement, no rashes between my thighs, and if I do it the way that makes most sense to my health and body - I'll have lower blood sugar levels, a healthier liver.
The journey is important too.
Introduction: What is the Happiness Diet
The Happiness Diet - this is the link.
My interest in this was raised when I watched the program "The House of the Food Obsessives". It sounded and seemed like a new direction and one that may even work. This led me to subscribing to the Happiness Institute's weekly newsletter and researching 'Positive Psychology'.
Positive Psychology is the study of what makes us happy. Rather than concentrating on what makes us sad, and alleviating it - it looks at what makes us happy, fulfilled - a satisfying life.
Initially I thought it would be all a bit ra-ra, the usual clap-trap that you get on Work 'team-building' days, that is fairly meaningless. But the more I researched into it, and thought about, the more I realised that this isn't that shallow. Especially when you tackle topics like suffering and pain.
So I've taken the bull by the horns and I'm giving the happiness diet a try. You're welcome to follow me - ask questions - or what you like, and see what happens.
Go read the website, or look up the 'House of the Food Obsessives' at SBS or You-tube.
My interest in this was raised when I watched the program "The House of the Food Obsessives". It sounded and seemed like a new direction and one that may even work. This led me to subscribing to the Happiness Institute's weekly newsletter and researching 'Positive Psychology'.
Positive Psychology is the study of what makes us happy. Rather than concentrating on what makes us sad, and alleviating it - it looks at what makes us happy, fulfilled - a satisfying life.
Initially I thought it would be all a bit ra-ra, the usual clap-trap that you get on Work 'team-building' days, that is fairly meaningless. But the more I researched into it, and thought about, the more I realised that this isn't that shallow. Especially when you tackle topics like suffering and pain.
So I've taken the bull by the horns and I'm giving the happiness diet a try. You're welcome to follow me - ask questions - or what you like, and see what happens.
Go read the website, or look up the 'House of the Food Obsessives' at SBS or You-tube.
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