The image I have of me at 55 -
Talking with my friends Dustbunnie and Annefia, and being able to visit them for a month each. (although for Annefia, it will be in the summer, and in the little bits that she can cope with)
Being in a part-time job that pays my for my basic needs and a little bit extra. I don't want to have to worry about money, but I know that my health requires that I look after myself. I'd like a job that harnesses my creativity and problem-solving, that is something that I feel good about because it is doing good for the world - leaving a legacy of hope and empowerment.
Health-wise, I'd like to be able to sleep a normal amount of time, and have energy when I wake up. So - diabetes under control, arthritis and sciatica controlled so that I don't have to wait for 2 hours after I get up before I can put my undies on. I would love to be menopausal!! I know that sounds completely weird. But the thought of not being a prisoner of my hormones is my definition of bliss. Power surges = layered clothing, dry places = moisturiser, and I swear my moods can't be any worse post-menopausal than they are pre-.
Living with myself and my cats. I want both Blanche and Leanne to live a good long time - more than 10 years please! if they can. I want both my babies to be healthy and happy and enjoying life with me.
A house that I can call home that contains all the things that are important to me - my piano, books, craft and is fun to visit for my friends. With the breakable things under glass or behind doors so destructo-cat (Blanche) doesn't destroy it.
What I will be doing for fun: Being creative, enjoying my friends and my cats. Having the time and spoons to finish writing the books I have un-finished. Drawing in pastels, sewing - patchworking, embroidery, crotcheting... FINISHING things!
I'd like to have the spoons to be able to help out at a charity somewhere rather than just send money. Especially with kids - I'd love to be able to bring joy into some children's lives.
How would I feel about my life - satisfied and content. Joyous - in the old fashioned, active sense of the word. Feeling that my life has some stabililty and purposefulness. Companionable with my cats and friends.
How would I feel about myself - I'm not sure about this. I might have to give this some more thought. But probably similiar to my life - satisfied, joyous. Not feeling like I've arrived, but that I'm well on the journey. Not feeling like I have to watch everything I say and do because I can be so toxic. I think that's what I'd like - it's OK to be me. I'm not perfect, but I'm facing in the right direction.
How would I feel about my body/health. I'd like to be able to notice my body as a part of myself, rather than just the machine that carries me. I'd care about the maintenance and condition of the body. I'd feel good that I had my blood sugars down to normal, and happy that it was habitualised so that I didn't feel like I had to make conscious effort to keep it there. That I enjoy the food and exercise that I need to do to keep me healthy. I'd be glad that we finally found the links between my health problems so that we could find a way to control ALL of them - taking all of them seriously rather than tossing it off because its one of those things that on it's own is something lots of people live with.
For any of the you out there that don't know me - Health problem list from the head down is:
- Depression
- Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnoea
- Diabetes
- Fatty Liver Disease
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
- Period problems - including PMS, Dysmenorrhea, migraine, metabolic changes, and mood swings. (But not as serious as some have them)
- Obesity
- Arthritis in the Spine
- Sciatica in the thighs (comes with the arthritis in the spine)
- Problem with Right Knee clicking and painful (Probably more arthritis, or an artefact of the Arthritis in the spine)
It would be completely unreasonable to expect these to be "cured" but I think - completely reasonable to hope that they would be controlled - at least in 5 years.
How have I benefited from being healthier?
Having a life that is not controlled by my health symptoms. Being able to decide on things I like because I like them and not because I'm trying to defend myself from other's desires for me, or subordinating myself to others desires for me - no matter how well-intentioned and good they are.
Final Thoughts.
I think more than anything else for me, it's also about being on good terms with God - trusting him and therefore letting go of the anxiety of being me. God is a great, big God and it doesn't matter what happens - knowing I'm not alone in whatever situation I find myself in is a huge comfort, and one I hope I will take more notice of, as I get older. I want to have more and more love for God. And more and more love for the people around me, a generousity of spirit and the ability to do more for others.
This sounds like a wonderful future to dream about and wish for. It sounds well balanced, down to earth and very YOU.
ReplyDeleteThe part about destructo-cat made me laugh though. LOL
That's good that it made you laugh - cause she makes me laugh everyday.
ReplyDeleteShe's a spoilt girl though - I gave her some bacon. She licked the tomato sauce from it, and left the bacon. I'm hoping Leanne will eat it. :D